after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You did what with his pubic hair?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
