True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
