Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
