I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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