He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
