Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
