sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
