How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
