well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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