How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
