theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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