thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
