We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
