Rock
Scissors
Fuck
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize