I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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