I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
