If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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