Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
