I want to make a zoo with you.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
