haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
