No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
