and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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