Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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