my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
