i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
