DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
