The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
