false alarm. still invincible.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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