Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just pee around me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
