I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
