dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize