She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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