im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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