she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize