I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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