I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
