In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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