his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
