I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
