this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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