through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize