you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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