i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
