I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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