Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
