i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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