Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
