I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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