Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
