o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
