I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
