She is in my trunk
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize