My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
