You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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