i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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