we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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