worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
