If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
