It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
