so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
