you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
