Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
