I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
