in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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