He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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