You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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