so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize