Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
