Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
