that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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