There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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