she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
