Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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