I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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