Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
