I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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