If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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