Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
