i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
