and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
