so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
