He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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