Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
