2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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