yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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