At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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