how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
