i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
