Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have fence marks all over my body
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
