Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
