How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize