just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
