my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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