screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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