oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
