I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
