I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
