i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
